Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
