Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
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I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
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i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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