I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
