"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
