I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Randomize
