there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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