Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have fence marks all over my body
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
