I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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