Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
