Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
