ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just want nice things and good sex
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
