And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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