An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
