p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
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I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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