im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
