all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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