Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
