who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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