I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
