i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
