My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
