He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We have started to decorate penises.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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