I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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