I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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