What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
