You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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