she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
