I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
