I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
jump out the window naked night went bad
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
