whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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