We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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