____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
