no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This beer is not sobering me up at all
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
