I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
