i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
