You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
