Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
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I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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