i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
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Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
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I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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