imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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