i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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