Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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