This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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