I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
