Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
