So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
