she takes plan B like it's going out of style
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
