I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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