the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
