Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
