I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize