So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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