I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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