Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize