I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just had sex on a roof
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
