My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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