I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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