my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
