yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
