NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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