i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He kissed a someone with a penis
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
