His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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