he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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