Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
