I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
